Everyone who knows you is nodding. Let's talk about everyone else...

There are women today who do feel they need Jewish ritual. We can discuss the underlying reasons for this, but it is a reality. Telling them they don't need ritual, when they feel that they do, can be needlessly confrontational. Those that accept it, fine. And those that don't?

There are men today who feel that they should help women be the women men want them to be by physically locking them out of Jewish ritual. Clearly, this is a brilliant strategy to ensure that Jewish women will demand participation in Jewish ritual, and with a determination worthy of a stiff-necked people.

Telling women how women should be, when you yourself say that they don't need instructions in how to "be", is perhaps not the place to start. We should first educate men how they should be, especially when it comes to dealing with women.

All fish are not created equal.

There are some observant, highly learned Jewish women who wish to partake in certain Jewish rituals. They know what they're doing and why. If such a woman wants to put on tefillin every once in a while, stoning her is not the response we should be cultivating in Jewish men.

There are many more women who don't know what they doing or why, but who choose to emulate what men do because they accept male prioritization of Jewish ritual. In other words, men keep saying how important wearing teffillin is, how special being called up to the Torah is, etc. At the same time that the men have created this social awe for Jewish ritual, they exempt women from it. So, if a "modern" woman wants to be a respected member of the Jewish community, she immediately starts at a disadvantage, not being able to participate in the most socially respected activities that even unsavory Jewish men can do.

I think the first step is to de-exoticise male Jewish ritual. It's not special. We're talking about crude (physical!) measures of last resort created to ensure a modicum of compliance in people (Jewish men) who built a false god shortly after being delivered from Egypt with open miracles.

To be brutally honest, Jewish men need periodic colon cleanses to scrape out all the toxic crap their bodies and minds naturally produce. Jewish ritual for men is like dialysis for people without kidneys. Physically sick people need periodic medical attention. So too do spiritually sick people need periodic spiritual attention, in the form of Jewish ritual.

Obviously this isn't something that everyone will agree with, or that everyone needs to hear. For certain male audiences, Jewish ritual must be positively enforced in a social setting. But this positive reinforcement, and resultant feelings of self-importance should not be used to confuse women about what is really going on.

Think of male Jewish ritual like a bunch of dialysis patients carpooling to the hospital every week. The fact that they care about each other's wellbeing and enjoy the time they spend together is great. The problem is, they seem to have such a good time together, and they talk about it in such glowing terms to friends and family, that even perfectly healthy people are now going in for dialysis! Everyone has forgotten that dialysis patients are not picking each other up for a joyride, but going to the hospital to address a serious ailment on the instructions of their doctor, without which, they will get sick and die.

Disease is filthy, smelly, wretched... and medical treatments often elicit pain and suffering on the road to health. Why would anyone want to emulate sick people?

The next time a Jewish woman wants to put on tefillin, the response should not be: How dare you impinge on the holy and glorious domain of men?! To the gallows, woman!

Instead, we should ask if she is feeling ok (maybe she's not), and if there is perhaps medication more suited to her body chemistry which may be more effective that she doesn't know about.

Avigdor, that was fantastic!